Hilarious Examples of Censored Swearing on Network TV

Imagine this dilemma: you’re in charge of scheduling for a network television statement, and you’re faced with the task of filling an empty time slot with a movie. The problem is, you’ve already played Wall-E three times this month, and all the other good movies have (dun dun dun) curse words in them.

Afraid you might unwittingly corrupt a child or offend someone with delicate sensibilities, you decide to use an edited version of Pulp Fiction or Scarface that removes all the swearing. Eureka! Now the kids can watch a movie about people murdering other people with guns and no ones’s innocence will be in jeopardy.

Of course, you could simply bleep or blank out the profanity — but that wouldn’t seem natural enough. Curious kids, unsatisfied with the lack of any words where an explanation should be, might ask their parents what exactly it is that Marcellus Wallace looks like. We can’t have that, so you have to look for another solution.

Instead, you choose a movie that’s been specially dubbed for use on network television. Instead of bleeps or gaps where the cuss words should be, there are non-offensive but completely absurd phrases. Now, the young people of the world can learn phrases like “freak you” and “mother lover,” and watch The Big Lebowski and find out that when you find a stranger in the Alps, John Goodman shows up and smashes your car’s windows with a crowbar. That should eliminate any uncomfortable questions they might have!

(via Buzzfeed)

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